Ugly shoes

It's that time! Dr. Paley said bone healed up well & I can put full weight on my leg while starting aggressive pt. "Aggressive" he says. Well, it'd be nice to put full weight on my leg, however, my local orthopedists are, to put it nicely, driving me insane. Can I vent for just a minute? A minute, promise... I have been DYING to walk again. I finally get the O.K to do so & my orthopedist is being picky about the shoe that I've picked to walk in. Let me back up... I have to wear a shoe lift for a while. (Yuck) I'm having a hard enough time dealing with all of these changes. I've always been able to hide the fact that one leg is shorter. I've had prostheses's that made up the length difference & I never had to worry about my shoes as long as they were flat. NOW I have to deal with finding a shoe store that will allow me to purchase a pair of shoes at 2 different sizes. None of them will & I cry every time I'm turned down. Nordstroms is the ONLY place that will help me & here in Bama we don't have one any where near close by, at all. I'm not used to this. I can't get away from this condition. It hit me that I never will. Once these surgeries are over I will still have to deal with this. Of course my life will be changed for the better but the shoe thing...2 sizes off, is creating such an issue. In the end it won't be so bad...but for now I have to choose ONE pair. One pair that goes with everything. Do you realize how hard that is to do? This pair of shoes also has to accommodate every season for the following year. I thought I'd picked out the perfect shoe. It's flat, (which I didn't want but was told I have to wear) it's closed toe (for the winter) and it's the color pewter (which should match everything in my closet better than anything else I could find.) I still wasn't the happiest camper with this shoe but it was the best I could do because I REFUSE to wear a tennis shoe everyday for a year. I am getting MARRIED. I will NOT do that. Don't make me. I called my orthopedist to see if he received the shoe I sent because he is also located out of town. (Understandably, after being told my whole life to amputate I do NOT like or trust the local doctors in my town.) My ortho informed me that the shoe I sent would not work because there is not enough tread on the bottom. Really?? Why didn't he tell me that when I drove all the way to him a week before, when he fussed about all 4 pairs of shoes I brought him? Couldn't he have told me I needed a specific shoe before I spent an agonizing & emotional day in the shoe store just to come up with this shoe? Not enough tread? I didn't understand, he said he could modify shoes if they weren't up to par. He's been doing this for 20 years and he's telling me this shoe isn't good enough?? After 20 years, orthopedists haven't come up with anything better than an ugly, clunky tennis shoe lift that doesn't match anything except jeans and t-shirts? PLEASE. Give.me.a.break. Why can't I just catch a break? I think I deserve that at least. MAKE it work. I had to buy another two pairs of shoes because I have to have two different sizes. So now, I am just crossing my fingers that he WILL make this pair work. He better make it work. If he doesn't, I'm still not walking. The longer I have to wait for the lift, the longer it's going to take for me to start walking. I'm doing what I can without it, but it's so hard with a 4 1/2in length difference. I'm sick of crutches. 


I'm constantly researching shoes...and clothes that I can wear to conceal the lift. So far the only non awkward attire is still long dresses and skirts that completely cover the lift. I've found a lot of cute things, but I miss my jeans. My insurance will only cover 2 lifts within 24 months so unless I want to shell out $320 on top of the cost of 2 pairs of shoes just to be able to have ONE additional pair to wear I need to make the 2 pair I get now last. Ugh. SO annoying. 


So this is where I'm at. I'm not going to pretend that I'm happy about this phase. I can only keep a smile on my face for so long. I'm just going to be real, & this week I am one moody little lady.