It's that time! Dr. Paley said bone healed up well & I can put full weight on my leg while starting aggressive pt. "Aggressive" he says. Well, it'd be nice to put full weight on my leg, however, my local orthopedists are, to put it nicely, driving me insane. Can I vent for just a minute? A minute, promise... I have been DYING to walk again. I finally get the O.K to do so & my orthopedist is being picky about the shoe that I've picked to walk in. Let me back up... I have to wear a shoe lift for a while. (Yuck) I'm having a hard enough time dealing with all of these changes. I've always been able to hide the fact that one leg is shorter. I've had prostheses's that made up the length difference & I never had to worry about my shoes as long as they were flat. NOW I have to deal with finding a shoe store that will allow me to purchase a pair of shoes at 2 different sizes. None of them will & I cry every time I'm turned down. Nordstroms is the ONLY place that will help me & here in Bama we don't have one any where near close by, at all. I'm not used to this. I can't get away from this condition. It hit me that I never will. Once these surgeries are over I will still have to deal with this. Of course my life will be changed for the better but the shoe thing...2 sizes off, is creating such an issue. In the end it won't be so bad...but for now I have to choose ONE pair. One pair that goes with everything. Do you realize how hard that is to do? This pair of shoes also has to accommodate every season for the following year. I thought I'd picked out the perfect shoe. It's flat, (which I didn't want but was told I have to wear) it's closed toe (for the winter) and it's the color pewter (which should match everything in my closet better than anything else I could find.) I still wasn't the happiest camper with this shoe but it was the best I could do because I REFUSE to wear a tennis shoe everyday for a year. I am getting MARRIED. I will NOT do that. Don't make me. I called my orthopedist to see if he received the shoe I sent because he is also located out of town. (Understandably, after being told my whole life to amputate I do NOT like or trust the local doctors in my town.) My ortho informed me that the shoe I sent would not work because there is not enough tread on the bottom. Really?? Why didn't he tell me that when I drove all the way to him a week before, when he fussed about all 4 pairs of shoes I brought him? Couldn't he have told me I needed a specific shoe before I spent an agonizing & emotional day in the shoe store just to come up with this shoe? Not enough tread? I didn't understand, he said he could modify shoes if they weren't up to par. He's been doing this for 20 years and he's telling me this shoe isn't good enough?? After 20 years, orthopedists haven't come up with anything better than an ugly, clunky tennis shoe lift that doesn't match anything except jeans and t-shirts? PLEASE. Give.me.a.break. Why can't I just catch a break? I think I deserve that at least. MAKE it work. I had to buy another two pairs of shoes because I have to have two different sizes. So now, I am just crossing my fingers that he WILL make this pair work. He better make it work. If he doesn't, I'm still not walking. The longer I have to wait for the lift, the longer it's going to take for me to start walking. I'm doing what I can without it, but it's so hard with a 4 1/2in length difference. I'm sick of crutches.
I'm constantly researching shoes...and clothes that I can wear to conceal the lift. So far the only non awkward attire is still long dresses and skirts that completely cover the lift. I've found a lot of cute things, but I miss my jeans. My insurance will only cover 2 lifts within 24 months so unless I want to shell out $320 on top of the cost of 2 pairs of shoes just to be able to have ONE additional pair to wear I need to make the 2 pair I get now last. Ugh. SO annoying.
So this is where I'm at. I'm not going to pretend that I'm happy about this phase. I can only keep a smile on my face for so long. I'm just going to be real, & this week I am one moody little lady.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Getting my life back.
Yes. I realize that it has been 2 months since my last post. I'm still alive and kicking-well, I'm working on the kicking part. ;)
As what any of you may have gathered from my last post I'm sure you are aware by now that my fixator has in fact been removed! Yes it happened, July 7th. I'd never been more ready for anything before in my life! It was a quick (quick for me) 2 hour surgery where my wonderful team of doctors removed the pins and cumbersome external fixtor from my poor, weary leg. INSTANT relief! Let me tell ya... They also put rush rods down the center of my femur & tibia to ensure the bones don't collapse.
Of course it was sensitive from the removal but I was a happy happy camper to be rid of it. Only a tad nauseous from the meds this time but nothing too bad. I was released within an hour to go back to the hotel. My leg was wrapped up like a mummy. I slept for a few hours & when I woke I noticed my leg was bleeding through all of the gauze. (Even though I'm small, I'm much bigger than the little children who usually get this surgery) I guess that's why they mummified my leg...a lot of bleeding was expected, and it did. We weren't supposed to remove the bandages so we just had to continue wrapping on top of what had already bled through. Talk about gross.
Ryan bought me tons of Gatorade and Chinese soup for dinner. (Tummies are always picky after surgery.) He's such a sweetheart. :) He drove to 3 different Chinese restaurants in search of my soup, bless him! (Before you go thinking that I'm a demanding diva, I had no idea he went through all that trouble until he had the soup in his hands. :p ) I sure do love him, even though he hogs the bathroom. ;) (He'll deny it.)
The next morning we had to be at the hospital for my bandages to be removed and replaced... I wasn't exactly prepared for what I saw underneath. Tony cut the gauze as Ryan cracked jokes and tickled my foot, (which I didn't have enough strength to move) -_-
As Tony pulled the gauze back & exposed my leg I was horrified. I knew that it would be covered in blood & beta-dine but what I wasn't prepared for were the gaps in my thigh where the pins had pushed my tissue back. I thought my tissue-skin would just fall back into place once the pins were removed...but it looked like I had been mauled by a bear, especially with all the blood and all. Ew...getting graphic enough for ya? I think Ryan tried to act like he wasn't surprised...but I could tell that he was. I remember hearing Alyse gasp so I know I wasn't the only one appalled. Disappointment set in for a while but I eventually got over it. Seeing how much longer my leg is & how close it is to the other one without a fixator in the way made this all worth it.
The first week was a little rough just because of how sensitive my knee joint was. I was scared that the pain would never go away. It felt good to bend it without the fixator but if bent too long it would hurt when I tried to straighten it and if sitting straight too long it would hurt to bend it. Vicious cycle I say! I was allowed to move the joint but pt wasn't allowed for a month. I also wasn't allowed to bear but 15% weight on it until the month was up. (I wasn't strong enough to bear weight anyway) After 8 months of wearing the fixator my muscles had become extremely weak do to inactivity, which was out of my control.
So a month has passed & I had my x-rays taken Wednesday. I'm sending them off to Dr. Paley to review and let me know if I can bear full weight now or not. I should also be ready for pt. You'd think after 4 months of grueling, intense physical therapy I would not be excited to start again but I cannot wait. I just want to get my life completely back & I need my leg to catch up with the other one so I can do just that. My knee had become stiff during the last 4 months that I hadn't pushed myself. (I'm ashamed to say) After the removal I think I was only able to bend it at 50 degrees. I am however, happy to say that I am getting 80 degrees and now that I should start pt I'm sure I'll get it past 90. It hurts like a mamajamma...but I'm determined to get it back.
On another note, Ryan is coming into town on the 18th! :) I am sOoOo super excited to see him! It's been too many weeks. We have already picked out the wedding venue so I'm taking him on a little tour of it Friday. Happy happy. I'm keeping the venue a secret for now. Sorry friends. You'll find out soon enough. :)
Peace.Love&Secrets ;)
Julie
As what any of you may have gathered from my last post I'm sure you are aware by now that my fixator has in fact been removed! Yes it happened, July 7th. I'd never been more ready for anything before in my life! It was a quick (quick for me) 2 hour surgery where my wonderful team of doctors removed the pins and cumbersome external fixtor from my poor, weary leg. INSTANT relief! Let me tell ya... They also put rush rods down the center of my femur & tibia to ensure the bones don't collapse.
Of course it was sensitive from the removal but I was a happy happy camper to be rid of it. Only a tad nauseous from the meds this time but nothing too bad. I was released within an hour to go back to the hotel. My leg was wrapped up like a mummy. I slept for a few hours & when I woke I noticed my leg was bleeding through all of the gauze. (Even though I'm small, I'm much bigger than the little children who usually get this surgery) I guess that's why they mummified my leg...a lot of bleeding was expected, and it did. We weren't supposed to remove the bandages so we just had to continue wrapping on top of what had already bled through. Talk about gross.
Ryan bought me tons of Gatorade and Chinese soup for dinner. (Tummies are always picky after surgery.) He's such a sweetheart. :) He drove to 3 different Chinese restaurants in search of my soup, bless him! (Before you go thinking that I'm a demanding diva, I had no idea he went through all that trouble until he had the soup in his hands. :p ) I sure do love him, even though he hogs the bathroom. ;) (He'll deny it.)
The next morning we had to be at the hospital for my bandages to be removed and replaced... I wasn't exactly prepared for what I saw underneath. Tony cut the gauze as Ryan cracked jokes and tickled my foot, (which I didn't have enough strength to move) -_-
As Tony pulled the gauze back & exposed my leg I was horrified. I knew that it would be covered in blood & beta-dine but what I wasn't prepared for were the gaps in my thigh where the pins had pushed my tissue back. I thought my tissue-skin would just fall back into place once the pins were removed...but it looked like I had been mauled by a bear, especially with all the blood and all. Ew...getting graphic enough for ya? I think Ryan tried to act like he wasn't surprised...but I could tell that he was. I remember hearing Alyse gasp so I know I wasn't the only one appalled. Disappointment set in for a while but I eventually got over it. Seeing how much longer my leg is & how close it is to the other one without a fixator in the way made this all worth it.
The first week was a little rough just because of how sensitive my knee joint was. I was scared that the pain would never go away. It felt good to bend it without the fixator but if bent too long it would hurt when I tried to straighten it and if sitting straight too long it would hurt to bend it. Vicious cycle I say! I was allowed to move the joint but pt wasn't allowed for a month. I also wasn't allowed to bear but 15% weight on it until the month was up. (I wasn't strong enough to bear weight anyway) After 8 months of wearing the fixator my muscles had become extremely weak do to inactivity, which was out of my control.
So a month has passed & I had my x-rays taken Wednesday. I'm sending them off to Dr. Paley to review and let me know if I can bear full weight now or not. I should also be ready for pt. You'd think after 4 months of grueling, intense physical therapy I would not be excited to start again but I cannot wait. I just want to get my life completely back & I need my leg to catch up with the other one so I can do just that. My knee had become stiff during the last 4 months that I hadn't pushed myself. (I'm ashamed to say) After the removal I think I was only able to bend it at 50 degrees. I am however, happy to say that I am getting 80 degrees and now that I should start pt I'm sure I'll get it past 90. It hurts like a mamajamma...but I'm determined to get it back.
On another note, Ryan is coming into town on the 18th! :) I am sOoOo super excited to see him! It's been too many weeks. We have already picked out the wedding venue so I'm taking him on a little tour of it Friday. Happy happy. I'm keeping the venue a secret for now. Sorry friends. You'll find out soon enough. :)
Peace.Love&Secrets ;)
Julie
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